im drinking this country out of the recession.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
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