i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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