dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
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Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
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I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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