I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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