I am puke
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize