I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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