Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize