Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
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We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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