She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize