so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
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Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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