In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize