Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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