He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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