and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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