I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
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Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
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you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I forget how to act sober
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