so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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