i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize