just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
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She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
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Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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