don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
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My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
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I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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