just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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