I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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