I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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