hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
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the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
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Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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