You really coming over, don't trick.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
How does one acquire holy water?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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