I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize