If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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