hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
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you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
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Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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