I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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