Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
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Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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