I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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