I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize