Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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