he wants to bone in the snuggie
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
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he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
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The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
NoShamevember. You game?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
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