Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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