It's Friday. Sex?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
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She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
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At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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