We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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