you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize