The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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