I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
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Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
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Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It's shark week go big or go home
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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