i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize