so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize