It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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