I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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