from now on my penis is your penis
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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