the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I feel great
I just peed on a car
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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