Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize