I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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