Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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