Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
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The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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