$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize